I’ve come to the Shiek Valley in hopes of finding further volumes from the Hall of the Ironbreakers. I learned the primary techniques, but after the Dwarfhold was overrun and looted, we lost track of most of the tomes the higher ranks studied from.
I head to the Crown Jewel. Got welcomed in, due to my standing reservation at tournament times. The place remains as extravagant as usual, beyond my standards, but I will not deny the quality of the service they provide. Occasional stints of luxury can be nice, so long as I do not lose myself to their appeal.
I found one of the books from my Dwarfhold. Paid 6 gp.
Going to eat. Some guy whining about me. Meh. DRINKING CONTEST. I won. Maximus got into a fight.
Spent a days going around and visiting the dignitaries and whatnot that Dad and I normally would have greeted.
3 days till the tournament. Delivered a sealed letter from my father to one of his acquaintances that only arrived today.
Went about looking for other potential artifacts or books from the Dwarfhold.
I presumably noticed something. Walked by a BUTT ler.
Saw a woman who looked familiar duck into an alleyway, followed by 4 menacing types. Got the butler’s attention and went in to assist.
Starting murder. Murder happened. Getting dragged away by the dwarf lass.
Went into an inn room with her. Elta. Daughter of the king.
Discussing the Break of the Iron Mountains. Attacked by Zakar, though no one can prove it. We can’t return until the dishonor has been dealt with. I HAVE QUESTS. We need to gather Allies.
Buttler goes and pisses someone off. We go off to do things. I make rounds to my acquaintances to subtly explain the situation and see who would be willing to lend their resources.
Dinner time occurs. WE EAT. Dennik got turned down.
Danik spent the night.
DAY OF THE TOURNEYMANT
People joust. Some of them win. Some of them don’t. Maximom wins. Introduced myself. Got her number.
Got me a new warhammer. It’s shiny and black. And crushes skulls twice as often.
Went off to the single combat. Someone says bunnies can die of sadness. I don’t know who. I cared little. This may haunt me.
Watched my Liege kick ass.
Elta had her fight go on for a long time, but eventually got worn down and beaten.
I obliterated a man. My warhammer is horrible and screams at me.
Danik and Maximus showed up for their fights. Good for them!
Went out to a field to find out what the god damn hammer’s problem is.
Princess Floofy Pants is my hammer. She is horrible. Wants sugar. Hates violence and swearing. Knows what sugar and licorice are. May not have always been a hammer. It won’t answer anything till it eats. I go to the confectionary, get some licorice. Go back to the inn. Try feeding it via slapping a hammer with candy. It doesn’t work. I rub a hammer with candy. It doesn’t work. The hammer tries eating the candy while I’m not looking. IT DOES Work..?
Next day occurs.
Maximus showed up for his archery. He failed to lose in the first round. He then failed to lose in the next 9 rounds too. Then he finally managed to lose. LIKE A LOSER.
I’ll buy him a cookie with 5 chocolate chips, 1 for each place down the ladder he was.
Danik got what is colloquially known as a Good Start with his own arrowing. People were cheering in a rather unprecedented way. Then he started FUCKING UP. Probably couldn’t see the target over the curvature of the earth. Got properly cheered on by the crowd and stayed in the game.
I got drafted into bowing. 30/25/25/30/20/25/10/3/20/1 = 189 points. I beat an elf. Archering is easy. Came in 4th.
Got a big tasty lunch, and went out shoving rocks around. As I do.
ARM WRASTLE TIME.
Maximus has to fight his father, Maximan. Beat him. Takes on the title.
Danik beat a real person.
I took 18 rounds to beat some guy.
Beat another guy in 4 rounds.
Beat another guy in 3.
Beat Mulech of the Triple Threat in 4.
In the final four. Lost to Havan. He’s not fucking touching my beard.
Met Talladam again. He kicked my ass at arm wrestling again.
We bonded. Again.
Vereth went outside, bid me a doo. I had another drink and then realized I didn’t know what that was. Followed him out. He explained what a doo was. I told him to have a good doo too and went back inside. A moment later he started screaming. I charged out after him. Talladam put me on his shoulder and charged for me.
Handy work was made of the two vagrants.
4 cure light wounds potions (2 for Stevin)
Potion of Stealth +10 (1 hr)
2 potions of spider climb
- Everyone (1 for Stevin)
1 potion of darkvision
1 potion of poison-be-gone
Masterwork studded Leather
MIghty (+1) masterwork composite shortbow.
16 masterwork arrows
4 cure light wounds
1 potion of stealth
2 potion of spider climb (30mins)
1 potion of darkvision
1 potion of poison-be-gone
Cloak of resistance +1
Scroll of Featherfall
Lost to my childhood friend.
Maximus forgot to keep his head attached in the mounted combat.
Maximus finished his race before it ended.
Participated in the race despite not entering. Attempted to bend the Earth to my will, the will of the Dwarves.
Vareth also raced. He came in a position. Not a bad position.
Had to fight Talladam in the combat. Was dissected kindly.
Got taken out for drinks with Talladam. Acquired the mythical Everdrunk.
NOTE: Make a bar called Taste of the Elements.
Maximus had a threesome, and was awake for a large portion of it. Got to work late in the morning, kept his job, and shooed away an ass kissing snive.
Dennik didn’t show up for his wrestling match. Not in spirit at least.
Spent some time in the library looking up info re: the locations Princess Floofy Pants had referenced. Found nothing of use.
Foot race time. Time to in no way perform like I did the first round.
I’m in the next heat. Vereth is running right now. Well, Jogging.
It was at least a brisk walk.
I, I think he stopped for tea at one point.
My turn. Started strong. Turned into a mixed bag. Came in 3rd, Tied for.
Idiots ran off and beed idiots. Princess Floofy pants said to go rescue them. Went after them. Giant spider. She refused to participate in the fight she led Verath and I to. Used my shield instead, and knocked the spider onto it’s back and off of them. Saved the day.
Dumped potions down each of their throats after getting them unwebbed.
Brought them to a temple. Restoration on the table. Got them partially restored.
Had to hold Maximus down and feed him cause he was being a baby. King of place came over, gave him some swigs of something potent.
Went to the inn. A Half-orc came over as Maximus and Dennik were bitching about murdering species. Rather than letting my distaste for orcs get the better of me, I went to the bar for a drink.
That didn’t last, as Maximus and Dennik piss him off. Orc smashed Maximus in the back of the head and knocked him out. I walked back, stepped up onto a chair, onto a table, and smashed him in the back of the skull with my shield. Paid 15 gold to the innkeep for the damages, brought the two idiots outside so they could cool off as they started threatening to attack each other, and brought them out some food/drink. Helped them get to bed after they had their fill.
Spent a day on researching for Princess Floofy Pants. No leads.
Spent a day practicing the course. Went to the inn after. Got offered a bodyguard position from Maximus. Dennik shot lightning out of his mouth. Maximus got jealous, pointed at the ground, and suddenly vines erupted, entangling everyone. Shouted at him. He shouted at his god. His god got pissed and lifted the tavern into the air. Maximus fell off the table and out the door. I dove after him, tried to slow our fall. Couldn’t. Turned over so I was on bottom, braced for impact.
The landing crushed a few ribs and kept Maximus alive. Maximus helped me up. Talladam came in to help get the inn down. Violently. Hacked up some blood, got across the street. Maximus helped me out of my armor, which was partially crushed by the fall. I started breathing. My ribs were poking my lungs. Regretted taking the armor off a bit. The inn came down. Fell into place? Dennik came over. Started feeling better. Guards started coming in. Talladam advised we all fuck off. Put me over his shoulder as I couldn’t walk very well. He pissed as we ran through back alleyways, so as to disorient any followers. As temples would be closed for the evening, we went into an inn. I numbed the pain.
A pale man covered in daggers came over, seemed to be invoking violence from Talladam. The tension ended by the newcomer offering him a drink. Talladam laughed, and the man took a seat with us. Introductions. Pronkar. Talladam says they should introduce Maximan to Lorelai. Pronkar didn’t like that apparently. WITHERING GLARE. Maximan withered. STILL ASKED FOR HELP. Request answered with offer of murder. Offer refused.
DRINKS FOR EVERYONE. Got right drunk. Closed down the bar with everyone. Left for my room with Dennik, because everywhere else is wrong.
Bad things happened to Maximan that maybe are good for him? Vampirie things.
Dead robbers. Things.
Bag of Holding
Tough leather gauntlets with iron studs along the back of the fingers
A gem worth maybe 20 gold
DAWN OF THE DRINKING CONTEST
Woke up with a hangover. Went to the tavern, ordered an old dwarven hangover cure. Waited REALLY hard for it to come. Ate it full-focusedly. Paid absolutely no attention to things happening around me.
Vereth came downstairs. Started asking me about my night. Said that Maximus is dead. I asked if he was on an opium trip for the last couple of days. Other discussion. Crash upstairs. Eh.
Vereth decided we might need to go check on the idiot. He was right. Someone trying to murder him with daggers. Tried to charge in but got side stepped and stumbled a bit. Found out that Vereth was telling the truth.
Decked the moron.
We began reprimanding him thoroughly. The assassin stood back and watched everything. Convinced him to back off temporarily while we try to get him fixed. He did.
Going off to find Talladam, bring him back to discuss the turning Maximus back situation. Discussed. Talladam thinks he’s fucked. Brought him back. Further discussion revealed that yes, he was fucked.
Hanging out with Maximorgue while he sleeps, and Vereth goes and tries to enlist help from priests or priest like people. Finds out that Warmonger is a bag of dicks, and acts accordingly.
We go to the temple of Pyrako that evening. Ritual begins. An unknown amount of time passes.