A Light in the Dark

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Jern Staalbred: Journals and shit pt 1
Kind of

I’ve come to the Shiek Valley in hopes of finding further volumes from the Hall of the Ironbreakers. I learned the primary techniques, but after the Dwarfhold was overrun and looted, we lost track of most of the tomes the higher ranks studied from.

I head to the Crown Jewel. Got welcomed in, due to my standing reservation at tournament times. The place remains as extravagant as usual, beyond my standards, but I will not deny the quality of the service they provide. Occasional stints of luxury can be nice, so long as I do not lose myself to their appeal.

I found one of the books from my Dwarfhold. Paid 6 gp.

Going to eat. Some guy whining about me. Meh. DRINKING CONTEST. I won. Maximus got into a fight.

Spent a days going around and visiting the dignitaries and whatnot that Dad and I normally would have greeted.

3 days till the tournament. Delivered a sealed letter from my father to one of his acquaintances that only arrived today.

Went about looking for other potential artifacts or books from the Dwarfhold.

I presumably noticed something. Walked by a BUTT ler.

Saw a woman who looked familiar duck into an alleyway, followed by 4 menacing types. Got the butler’s attention and went in to assist.

Starting murder. Murder happened. Getting dragged away by the dwarf lass.

Went into an inn room with her. Elta. Daughter of the king.

Discussing the Break of the Iron Mountains. Attacked by Zakar, though no one can prove it. We can’t return until the dishonor has been dealt with. I HAVE QUESTS. We need to gather Allies.

Buttler goes and pisses someone off. We go off to do things. I make rounds to my acquaintances to subtly explain the situation and see who would be willing to lend their resources.

Dinner time occurs. WE EAT. Dennik got turned down.

Danik spent the night.

DAY OF THE TOURNEYMANT

People joust. Some of them win. Some of them don’t. Maximom wins. Introduced myself. Got her number.

Got me a new warhammer. It’s shiny and black. And crushes skulls twice as often.

Went off to the single combat. Someone says bunnies can die of sadness. I don’t know who. I cared little. This may haunt me.

Watched my Liege kick ass.

Elta had her fight go on for a long time, but eventually got worn down and beaten.

I obliterated a man. My warhammer is horrible and screams at me.

Danik and Maximus showed up for their fights. Good for them!

Went out to a field to find out what the god damn hammer’s problem is.

Princess Floofy Pants is my hammer. She is horrible. Wants sugar. Hates violence and swearing. Knows what sugar and licorice are. May not have always been a hammer. It won’t answer anything till it eats. I go to the confectionary, get some licorice. Go back to the inn. Try feeding it via slapping a hammer with candy. It doesn’t work. I rub a hammer with candy. It doesn’t work. The hammer tries eating the candy while I’m not looking. IT DOES Work..?

Next day occurs.

Maximus showed up for his archery. He failed to lose in the first round. He then failed to lose in the next 9 rounds too. Then he finally managed to lose. LIKE A LOSER.

I’ll buy him a cookie with 5 chocolate chips, 1 for each place down the ladder he was.

Danik got what is colloquially known as a Good Start with his own arrowing. People were cheering in a rather unprecedented way. Then he started FUCKING UP. Probably couldn’t see the target over the curvature of the earth. Got properly cheered on by the crowd and stayed in the game.

I got drafted into bowing. 30/25/25/30/20/25/10/3/20/1 = 189 points. I beat an elf. Archering is easy. Came in 4th.

Got a big tasty lunch, and went out shoving rocks around. As I do.

ARM WRASTLE TIME.

Maximus has to fight his father, Maximan. Beat him. Takes on the title.

Danik beat a real person.

I took 18 rounds to beat some guy.

Beat another guy in 4 rounds.

Beat another guy in 3.

Beat Mulech of the Triple Threat in 4.

In the final four. Lost to Havan. He’s not fucking touching my beard.

Met Talladam again. He kicked my ass at arm wrestling again.

We bonded. Again.

Vereth went outside, bid me a doo. I had another drink and then realized I didn’t know what that was. Followed him out. He explained what a doo was. I told him to have a good doo too and went back inside. A moment later he started screaming. I charged out after him. Talladam put me on his shoulder and charged for me.

Handy work was made of the two vagrants.

Masterwork Rapier
4 cure light wounds potions (2 for Stevin)
- Everyone
Potion of Stealth +10 (1 hr)
- Dennik
2 potions of spider climb
- Everyone (1 for Stevin)
1 potion of darkvision
- Vereth
1 potion of poison-be-gone
- Vereth
Masterwork studded Leather

MIghty (+1) masterwork composite shortbow.
- Dennik
16 masterwork arrows
- Dennik
4 cure light wounds
- Everyone
1 potion of stealth
- Dennik
2 potion of spider climb (30mins)
- Everyone
1 potion of darkvision
- Vereth
1 potion of poison-be-gone
- Dennik
Cloak of resistance +1
- Mine
Scroll of Featherfall
- Vereth

Morning occurs.

WRESTLE TIME!!

Lost to my childhood friend.

Maximus forgot to keep his head attached in the mounted combat.

Maximus finished his race before it ended.

Participated in the race despite not entering. Attempted to bend the Earth to my will, the will of the Dwarves.

It submitted.

Vareth also raced. He came in a position. Not a bad position.

Had to fight Talladam in the combat. Was dissected kindly.

Got taken out for drinks with Talladam. Acquired the mythical Everdrunk.

NOTE: Make a bar called Taste of the Elements.

Maximus had a threesome, and was awake for a large portion of it. Got to work late in the morning, kept his job, and shooed away an ass kissing snive.

Dennik didn’t show up for his wrestling match. Not in spirit at least.

Spent some time in the library looking up info re: the locations Princess Floofy Pants had referenced. Found nothing of use.

Foot race time. Time to in no way perform like I did the first round.

I’m in the next heat. Vereth is running right now. Well, Jogging.

It was at least a brisk walk.

I, I think he stopped for tea at one point.

My turn. Started strong. Turned into a mixed bag. Came in 3rd, Tied for.

Idiots ran off and beed idiots. Princess Floofy pants said to go rescue them. Went after them. Giant spider. She refused to participate in the fight she led Verath and I to. Used my shield instead, and knocked the spider onto it’s back and off of them. Saved the day.

Dumped potions down each of their throats after getting them unwebbed.

Brought them to a temple. Restoration on the table. Got them partially restored.

Had to hold Maximus down and feed him cause he was being a baby. King of place came over, gave him some swigs of something potent.

Went to the inn. A Half-orc came over as Maximus and Dennik were bitching about murdering species. Rather than letting my distaste for orcs get the better of me, I went to the bar for a drink.

That didn’t last, as Maximus and Dennik piss him off. Orc smashed Maximus in the back of the head and knocked him out. I walked back, stepped up onto a chair, onto a table, and smashed him in the back of the skull with my shield. Paid 15 gold to the innkeep for the damages, brought the two idiots outside so they could cool off as they started threatening to attack each other, and brought them out some food/drink. Helped them get to bed after they had their fill.

Spent a day on researching for Princess Floofy Pants. No leads.

Spent a day practicing the course. Went to the inn after. Got offered a bodyguard position from Maximus. Dennik shot lightning out of his mouth. Maximus got jealous, pointed at the ground, and suddenly vines erupted, entangling everyone. Shouted at him. He shouted at his god. His god got pissed and lifted the tavern into the air. Maximus fell off the table and out the door. I dove after him, tried to slow our fall. Couldn’t. Turned over so I was on bottom, braced for impact.

The landing crushed a few ribs and kept Maximus alive. Maximus helped me up. Talladam came in to help get the inn down. Violently. Hacked up some blood, got across the street. Maximus helped me out of my armor, which was partially crushed by the fall. I started breathing. My ribs were poking my lungs. Regretted taking the armor off a bit. The inn came down. Fell into place? Dennik came over. Started feeling better. Guards started coming in. Talladam advised we all fuck off. Put me over his shoulder as I couldn’t walk very well. He pissed as we ran through back alleyways, so as to disorient any followers. As temples would be closed for the evening, we went into an inn. I numbed the pain.

A pale man covered in daggers came over, seemed to be invoking violence from Talladam. The tension ended by the newcomer offering him a drink. Talladam laughed, and the man took a seat with us. Introductions. Pronkar. Talladam says they should introduce Maximan to Lorelai. Pronkar didn’t like that apparently. WITHERING GLARE. Maximan withered. STILL ASKED FOR HELP. Request answered with offer of murder. Offer refused.

DRINKS FOR EVERYONE. Got right drunk. Closed down the bar with everyone. Left for my room with Dennik, because everywhere else is wrong.

Bad things happened to Maximan that maybe are good for him? Vampirie things.

Dead robbers. Things.
Bag of Holding
Horseshoes
Breastplate
Composite Longbow
Tough leather gauntlets with iron studs along the back of the fingers
A gem worth maybe 20 gold

DAWN OF THE DRINKING CONTEST

Woke up with a hangover. Went to the tavern, ordered an old dwarven hangover cure. Waited REALLY hard for it to come. Ate it full-focusedly. Paid absolutely no attention to things happening around me.

Vereth came downstairs. Started asking me about my night. Said that Maximus is dead. I asked if he was on an opium trip for the last couple of days. Other discussion. Crash upstairs. Eh.

Vereth decided we might need to go check on the idiot. He was right. Someone trying to murder him with daggers. Tried to charge in but got side stepped and stumbled a bit. Found out that Vereth was telling the truth.

Decked the moron.

We began reprimanding him thoroughly. The assassin stood back and watched everything. Convinced him to back off temporarily while we try to get him fixed. He did.

MORE CHASTISING.

Going off to find Talladam, bring him back to discuss the turning Maximus back situation. Discussed. Talladam thinks he’s fucked. Brought him back. Further discussion revealed that yes, he was fucked.

Hanging out with Maximorgue while he sleeps, and Vereth goes and tries to enlist help from priests or priest like people. Finds out that Warmonger is a bag of dicks, and acts accordingly.

We go to the temple of Pyrako that evening. Ritual begins. An unknown amount of time passes.

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Jern Staalbred: Journals and shit - Pt 2
Present day! Present hour!

Met up with Dennik. Tried to explain what happened to Maximorgue without bringing more unneccesary attention to him. Suddenly attacked by a pack of undead WHAT’S. They landed in a SUPERHERO POSE. IT WAS GLORIOUS.

Not a what. A Vampire. A weiner vampire who calls it a gift. Strong weiner vampire who thinks he’s a god. Thought one’d be taller. Weiny weiny bloo bloo vampire bleagh bleagh. Claims to be so tight in with Warm Ongerer. Gave Maximorgue a holy symbol of Zai Krillak, Vampire God of Vampires. Now he has to worship him too I guess. Bleaghed away in a burst of bleagh lightning.

Off we go.

We walk into the temple. Maximorgue started mumbling at something. Wouldn’t respond. Told me not to worry about it when he came to a minute later. Responded that no. That’s not a thing that will happen. He was praying to Vereth’s god. Apparently truthfully.

Got led into a side room. Lots of braziers and incense and candles and things. Stuck outside the door during the ritual. I remained armed. Yoost in case.

Surprising to absolutely no one, it didn’t work. Maximorgue came out, and took a long time trying to come up with the least sassy barb he could to the priest apologizing for being of no help.

After talk about eating Vereth a little bit at a time, Dennik said he knew of a woman disappearer nearby. The two of them go to break in and eat him. I wanted no part of breaking and entering, but stayed within earshot for when they INEVITABLY FUCK UP ALL THE THINGS.

They went in.

Smashing doors. Screaming people.

UGH.

Ran in, saw that Maximorgue had lopped off a man’s leg. Also saw that there was a woman with wire wrapped tight around her throat. Walked in and silenced the man. Helped her out. Left Maximorgue to feed.

The lady left. Waampire came out drenched in blood. We bugger off. Fucking off achieved.

Went down to a lake. Waampire and Dennik got nekkid and went swimming. Started talking about being super heroes. Washed their clothes, to various degrees of success. Vereth had to come down and teach his ward how to do his own chores. The two kids had a breath holding contest. The dead kid won. Dennik stormed off angrily. Vereth left the clothes and the lake. I saw Maximorgue back to his inn. I go back to mine.

MORNING

I head over to their inn. Knock on the door just in time to hear “war is coming”

That stupid bastard.

Apparently he talked to his murder god last night, about how he wants to do some super murder cause he’s bored.

Starting to learn Draconic.

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The Most Important Person
Ugh. - Ed

It had been weeks of travelling, but we finally reached the city. The city is buzzing with energy as people prepare for the tournaments that we’ve arrived for.

I tell Jeeves I want to stay at the most luxurious place, naturally. I do deserve the best.

We find a place, seems adequate. I inquire to the available spaces and am informed that there are non but I can reserve a room for next year, would require the rest of my gold however. Tempted to do so but decide to save the money I have.

A dwarf walks in and asks for room, apparently he gets one. I imagine him full of arrows and that calms me slightly.

Jeeves and I go and find a new place, and by that I mean Jeeves does his damn job. I throw loose change at peasants to make myself feel better.

Dinner time occurres and a little one walks in with a dog, I like the dog.

Bastard dwarf shows up, I imagine him as a pin cushion again. Eventually the little one and dwarf challenge me to a drinking contest, I graciously accept. I go to pay for drinks and realize some filthy scum has stolen from me, keep money inside shirt from now on.

I hold my own with the dwarf, I think the halfling is dying. I stumble to the door and that’s where things kind of blacked out.

I awake with a sore face, I ask Jeeves if I owe anyone money. I go and pre order the mans next meal that I pissed off.

I see the little one and the dwarf, sluggish pleasantries exchanged, we sign up for things, I realize I can’t sign up for everything due to lack of horse, shame.

I want to learn more about making bows and arrows, perhaps make them more efficient in the killing department. I get an apprenticeship with a douche bag. Ugh, waking up before the sun. The sacrifices I make.

Tournaments occur, mother and father are present. Mothers gives me a horse.

Tournements continue occurring, me now in the horse related competitions. It’s all a dull blur. The dwarf has peaked my curiosity however, he seems very god like, specially when running. More Tournaments occur, it’s rather boring.

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The Most Important Person II
Impotent maybe - Ed

I hate spiders.

I grew tired of the events, so I told the little one that we were leaving. He listened. He’s turning into a good subject. So we leave the city, taking my horse out for a run, it was nice being away from the city.

It dawned on me that I continue to rely on Jeeves for coin and it’s becoming quite annoying. I suggest to the little one that we perhaps hunts some rabbit, make a small income of the furs. He happily agrees and pulls out his bow.

This is where I made my mistake. We found a bush that was moving, and instead of taking the necessary time required to locate any trackings, I sent the little one in first. It was no rabbit.

I hate spiders.

I’m going to murder every spider.

Jeeves and the short one arrive to save us. I hate spiders.

We go to a church to try and save our muscles from the venom in our systems. I hate spiders.

I proceed to be difficult likely for the sake of being difficult, I can’t remember the actual reasoning. During so the king of pyrn walked by. Seems like a fine fellow as he gives me a swig of alcohol. Perhaps I’ll grace is lands with my presence.

We head to a bar to lick our wounds. Unfortunately an Orc is there. He approaches us and the short one leaves. I can’t blame him. The little one is already sliding under the table to hide as well. I do nothing. I know that others will think I’m racist if I strike first. He strikes me, I forgot how wounded I was and everything goes black. I awake to a brawl, thankful I don’t feel the need to pay for this chaos, I didn’t swing first.

I attempt to drink a potion to heal my wounds, however; I’m stopped by the little one. I feel my wounds starting to feel better. Apparently he has the ability to heal his companions. I recall the spider and I begin picturing the little one covered with arrows.

It doesn’t soothe my rage and I begin threatening him. The short one grabs both of us and drags us outside. My anger slowly fades as I realize just how useful the little one can be. Perhaps he’ll be my jester one day. I allow him to live.

The next day is painful, I attempt to force the rest of the venom out of my system. Failing that, I pray to warmonger for the strength to eradicate the spiders. After that I spend the day learning as much as I can about spiders.

The next day I feel much better. I thank warmonger, and work out for awhile. Afterwards I head to the library again. There I run into the little one. He still looks sore. We agree to eat dinner together later on.

In the evening I meet up with the little one as well as the short one. We’re eating and suddenly the little one sneezes lightening. He informs us that he worships dragons. And that’s how he has the healing abilities. I inform him that my god removed the venom in my system. He points out the lightening. In an attempt to not be outdone, I motion at the ground fruitlessly.

Nope. Shit happens. A lot of shit is happening. Vines rip through the floorboards and begin grappling everything within reach. The dwarf yells at me, in my panic I yell at warmonger.
Warmonger doesn’t like that.

The whole building moves. The little one sneezes again causing me to trip and fall out the door. I’m pretty far up. I suppose that potion of spiderclimb in my bag would be usef… Oh here comes the dwarf. He attempts to slow us, he’s failing. I think he might have got us both killed. The grounds getting close. Oh good he’s going to use himself.

It’s a painful landing but we’re both alive. I help the short one out of the way then out of his armour. Probably some cracked ribs on him but I lack Jeeves ability to heal. Wait, where the bloody hell has Jeeves been?! I’m going to have a word with him when I see him. The half breed shows up and attempts to cut down the bean stalk, but it pulls itself back into the earth. The halfling is clinging to his dog for dear life, clearly scared. The half breed motions for us to follow. I don’t feel like going to jail so I follow.

We arrive at a shady bar. The dwarf is drinking himself stupid.

A terrifying person appears, white as a ghost and covered with weaponry. Apparently he knows someone who could tell me what the fuck just occurred. He declines. I’m terrified of the man but I push the issue. He offers to kill me. I think I’ll pass.

The dwarf and half breed drink till the place closes and we all head out.

I hate spiders.

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The Most Important Person III
Would killing him now save the world? - Ed

So the dwarf and the half breed closed the bar down, we were travelling as a group, but then I recalled my pirate lady-friend who enjoys copious amounts of kinky sex, so I decide to split from the group to go to her place.

That was a mistake. I keep making those and it’s becoming tiring.

I noticed someone tailing me. After a minute I decide to confront her.

Another mistake.

There’s 11 others that all come from the shadows. I’m completely surrounded with little to no options. I begin trying to talk my way out of it. I find out that they’re slavers.

Note to self, should I manage to make it out of this alive, hun each of these filthy bastards down and kill them.

A couple ones around me begin disappearing. I have no idea what going on but I don’t like it.
I begin to panic. No guards are around and no civilians either. I’m too far away from my lady-friends house to call for her. The dwarf is far too gone to be of assistance should I holler for him. Crap…. I have to call for the half breed.

I do so, and of course they react violently by releasing a dozen arrows.

The arrows vanish. I ask warmonger if this be his doing and I hear laughter as a response.

The next 30 seconds is the most glorious event that I’ve ever witnessed. The remaining worms who thought to sell me as an item were dismembered. Throats were ripped out and one of them had a fist rip through his chest.

Unfortunately the events ended as suddenly as it started, due to a lack of bastards to rip apart. Standing before me was the terrifying pale one from the bar. He stands there covered in blood and he is like a god.

I request him to give me his abilities. He denies me.

I request again.

He he denies me again.

This goes on until the half breed shows up. They begin bickering. The pale one throws the half breed. Yes, I need to be able to do that. They continue bickering.

I proceed to loot the bastards. Found some magic gloves, Jeeves needs to look at these. Magic bag of no bottom, useful.

The pale one and the half breed are still bickering, so I go tell the half breed that he is not needed and I request that the pale one gve me strength.

Then I bow for that stubborn, god-like creature. Something that I’ve never willingly done before. All the kings are fakes. But this creature is perfection. He eventually grants my wish. Bloody hell that hurts. Oh god I’m dying.

I awaken on the roof, to the pale one. Doesn’t tell me anything about what I’m capable of and screws off. I go to the inn and pass out under the bed. Better safe than sorry.

I awake to Jeeves opening the curtains. Bloody fucking hell that fucking burns! I flip the bed up, much lighter than I though it was. Jeeves seems pissed and storms off. The lights uncomfortable.

He storms back in and screams at me for awhile. He’s being rather unreasonable about this whole thing. He storms away again. I go to sleep.

I awaken to some bastard cutting my gut open. Up side, not bleeding. Down side, my intestines are now outestines. This is likely Jeeves fault some how. I attempt to dislocate his shoulder. Clearly not strong enough yet.

Jeeves and the short one show up. Yell at me for awhile, bastard mcslicey leaves after Jeeves promises to fix me. I attempt to sleep. Wake to the half breed screaming in my face. If I could I would’ve had a heart attack. Threatens to throw me outside. Getting real tired of this shit.

Everyone calms down, we decide to attempt to fix me.

On our walk to the temple we run into the little one. I don’t feel like explaining it to him, he seems like he’d explode, don’t want to deal with that.

Then a man lands in the centre of our group. It’s quite the show but really I’m quite tired and hungry and want to get Jeeves stupid little experiment out of the way. Turns out that the man is a god of vampires. Gives me a trinket to hide from mcslicey. Useful. Doesn’t tell me anything about how to do things and proceeds to explode away.

We head to the church. Joy.

Upon arrival, I begin praying to Jeeves’ god for him to be able to accept this reborn form of mine.

The short one seems worried, I tell him not to worry about it. Clearly that means something else to dwarves because he gets really worried. He’ll live.

We proceed to do the stupid ritual. I wouldn’t object to ripping this mans arm off and beating him with it but I resist the urge.

Doesn’t work. Shocking.

I ask Jeeves for some blood because he’s capable of healing himself, seemed logical.
He’s a dick about it.

The little one says he knows some scum bag who deserves to die. We head out.

We plan to be sneaky about it but we see the man is attack some poor woman. We kick open the door and rush in. I aim to cut the back of his knee as he reaches for his cross bow but I accidentally cut his leg off. Getting used to this still.

I have to turn away from the man, resist the blood. Wait till the lady’s gone. Dwarf stops the noise. Everyone’s gone. I feed.

I feel sick as I stumble away from the man. Not sure if he’s dead, going to be either way. He was scum, why do I care. Everything a bit of a blur right now. The little one gives me some cloth to hide the blood. We head to a little lack. Stepping in I don’t feel the cold. I attempt to get the blood out of my clothes while talking to the little one about becoming vigilantes.
Jeeves! This is your job!

He attempts to show me how to wash my clothes. I attempt to learn and eventually got bored and begin floating around. Still feel sick. Note to self, hold back next time. I laugh to myself as I decide to mess with the little one. I challenge him to a breathe holding contest. At least I can amuse myself.

We head back to the inn. I pray then begin meditating to clear my head. Unfortunately there’s someone in my room now. Apparently it’s warmonger. Interesting. He says that he’s bored so he’s starting a damn war. Jeeves is going to blame me. Then he brands me….. I might acquire more tattoos, this looks cool.

Morning, Jeeves is a dick. We learn some dragon shit. I’m too tired for this shit. I remember war, I inform Jeeves. Dwarf storms in shouting at me. He needs to calm down. Little one starts talking dragon, he seems surprised with himself. Dwarf wants to learn dragon too. Crap this is a long morning.

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Dear Sir Ericson and Lady Ericson
the good and bad of travels

Update # 21. Master Maximus has been doing well as of late. He has stopped throwing gold at the homeless and has started throwing copper in order to save money. Upon arriving to the capital it was a pleasure to see the two of you haven’t lost your touch on the field.
It was regretful to say that the festival and events made it more challenging to keep an eye on Master Maximus than i had anticipated, though this had cons it was good for him as well. he had acquired a job while in town working under a blacksmith. He’s even requested that i teach him the art of spell craft. It is wonderful to see him putting an effort into furthering himself.
However as there is the good there is also the bad. His drinking problem arises from time to time and now he’s found an acquaintance that shares in this. The two were almost eaten by a rather large spider when they decided to hunt. Though we found the two and immediately gave them medical attention. The blame falls to me for even letting him out that late. I’m considering applying a curfew….
Now before I conclude the events it pains me to say that I have failed you twice. In my absence while escorting Master [brother guy] for the two days, Master Maximus made a pact, one that would give him power but one that will undoubtedly corrupt him. I did what i could to reverse this sickness granted to him. I can’t say more then this in the letter for fear unwanted eyes may peer it and seek him out. I promise that i will spend my time to find him a cure.

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The Most Important Person IV

So a new thing I noticed is that I am incapable of sleeping in. That’s quite annoying, especially with Jeeves’ morning lessons leaving me exhausted afterwards. Oh well I suppose.
I decide to go for a stroll. Jeeves turned down my offer and the dwarf has plans already. I’m on my own it appears.
It appears to not be that way, Jeeves is following me. Apparently I’m untrustworthy. I decide to slip into an alley way and try I scale a building. Tonight is not my night. The rope slips but I catch myself on a window.
My word, she’s absolutely gorgeous. I’m flushed for a second before I compose myself. That’s when she decided to throw crap at me. I apologize to the lovely creature before I attempt sliding down the building.
Tonight is clearly not my night. I go through the window below. There’s an infant crying. I could feed, but Jeeves would literally have my head. Time to leave.
Tonight is not my night. I hit the far wall of the alley. Still adjusting to my strength.
Jeeves clearly saw all of it. We hurry away. I wonder if the lady will be at the ball tomorrow night, oh that’d be splendid. Anywho, back to the important events of the night.
I finally remembered to show Jeeves the items I looted from the bastards who tried to sell me. I have gauntlets that increase my strength. Apparently all of my strength isn’t just my transformation. That’s a tad upsetting but oh well. I also acquired horseshoes that can levitate my horse.
Crap. I have a horse. I should take him out, he must be terribly cooped up in there. I tell Jeeves that I’d like to take my horse out and he agrees. As I walk into the stables, the animals freak out. That’s upsetting, I enjoy animals. Oh good, mine is calm. This will make things easy.
I take him out. I plan for an hour, it is late and I’d rather not push him, but he seems ok so we end up riding for an extra half hour. I put him away and proceed to wander around town.
There are drunks staggering through the streets, but no one seeming to be deserving of death. Where’s the little one when I need him. Ugh. Jeeves would be pissed if I resorted to a homeless man right now. Looks like I’m testing out animals. Joy.
Tonight is not my night. I found a rat. My god it was fucking disgusting. I’d rather slit my own throat than do that again. Wait… I could slit my throat now. Hmmm, I wonder if I could pull out my own heart. Now these are the important questions. Where was I, oh yes. Rats are terrible. I need to learn to control myself around blood, that way homeless people wouldn’t have to die, I’d simply mix something together to knock them out, then bleed them an bandage them up. I’m stronger than them so it would have to be a recipe that barely puts them out so as to not effect me.
Perhaps Jeeves will help.
Morning class again. My god this is rough. But the dwarf appears worse so I’ve got that at least. I manage to tell Jeeves that we need chains before I sleep.
Ahhhh sleep.
Wait. The balls tonight. Bah, Jeeves knows what I’d like to wear, he’s always been there. He’s a good friend. ZzzzzzZzzzzzZzzzz

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Jern Staalbred: Journal - Pt 3.5
Remember to never do this again.

The Drinking contest occurs, but I don’t recall anything about it right now. That doesn’t happen often, so it must have gone well. Some other things happen. Things about Waampire making babies and horses cry. Definitely a good start to this whole “No guys, I’ll totes be a GOOD vampire” thing.

Morning came. Got woken up by Vereth slamming on the door. Did not appreciate that. Had to learn to appreciate it pretty quick, as it was time for Dragon talky. Lots of talky. Vrakginas and resdickstaraunts. Draconic is weird.

Talk of eating rats and not eating things that aren’t rats occur. Maximorgue wants us to expose ourselves to him to test his restraint. I’m not keen. Vereth isn’t keen. We’re doing it anyways?

Feed the hammer some candy cause this will NEVER GET OLD.

Just noticed that the next 2 pages of my journal were torn out. Searched for them in my backpack. Kind of wish I hadn’t..


The day of the drinking contest occurs. Spend the morning eating plenty of carbs. We all get sat lined up against each others. Dannik got sat down beside me. Sitting across from Talladam in his splash zone. Made sure my shield was within arm’s reach. Some lady in full plate sits down next to him. Imbibing commences.

Dannik lasts longer’n I expected.

Notice Maximom and Maxidad partaking of the competition, with another lad who looks like them. I point this out to Dannik, who uses his voice in another man to confirm that yeah, Maxibleah has a brother.

More drinks!

More people are fallling out. Light wieghts. Whatever their giving us is pretty tastey.

MOOORE DRINGS

Hrak an ella ar out of rth compreptinn. HAHA, I”m stillllllllllllllllll fien.,

Magsimomm iss puddig hre familly to shme.

I’ma keep goon tho.

Tha matal ladie mussta bein porin hrs unner aa tabel

Maggsi issssssss dun.

Stillll 7 ohtr ppole ininn tha cobbibntentin.

FAKK

I GOGT DISSTRECTR# ADN DROBBBED MY FAKGNIG MUGG.

AHGHGSAHGHGASHGHGAGH!!!!!

O wlll.

CALALALEDD the alementress oat onn har ballshet.. SEH SED IAM A PIGGSIE.

WATHE FAK IS A PIGSIE.


The rest of it was completely unintelligible. Now I understand why I can’t remember any of that.

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Npc mode journal

i taught, i cleaned, i plotted things and then i slept. no one died so this seems like a good day to me

Vereth Tre’Mar

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