A Light in the Dark

Take 2 - Meet the gang
Fifi's Epic Adventure

Lady, if you’re reading this… Yeah, I know. Feel free to laugh. But you better realize that I’ve learned my lesson. Never follow the chick who wants to find her long lost relative. Especially, if they’re chicks who you’ve picked up from the side of the road—LITERALLY, FIFI—and are crazy bitches with crazy tattoos and wicked dagger skills.

Svorak can go jump in a creek. I don’t care if Fifi’s hot as hell and a hundred times smarter than me. She’s still ice-bridge-over-lava crazy.

Right. So I lost the damn book. The first book that had all the details of this trip in all its starting disastrous glory.

Like me getting mauled by a damn rat/crocodile/tiger chimera of a critter and then fucking growing fur in front of Fifi. For four months, she didn’t know. FOUR MONTHS I had this under wraps and under control. Kept out of melee, took care of my wounds, ducked into alleys when shit with FUBAR. Nope. Day two on the road with Fifi on her search (weren’t even out of the backyard) and already one secret is out.
Sure, Fifi had claws of her own. At least those looked consensual. Mine? Not so much. Add to that, the hunter who was trailing the critter showed up and saw me in fur. As did a dwarf who popped into existence down the road. And the flying bat-woman straight from the seventh ring of hell.

I will never ever have any rights to yell at Shinji about being a leak ever again. I pop fur and half the population is right there to see.

Anyway. Bat-woman and Fifi are apparently sisters. If that’s the sister, I can’t wait to meet the broodmother. I’m fucked.

At least I got friend-zoned right off the bat. Gotta give that to Fifi. If she hadn’t yelled, “Friendly!” I’d probably be a smudge on Nameless’ chalk board.

The hunter, Thakish (I know I’m spelling that wrong, but it’s not like he’s gonna be reading this anyway), is alright. After trailing something for three months and half a continent, I’d be ready to take off the head of anyone claiming the critter too. But.. I was pissed. Not so much about being clawed up, the change takes the damage, but I was hoping the wolf pelt would stay hidden for a little longer. Anyway, nice guy. Good technique with skinning. Willing to share out the parts when people put in good reasons for wanting them.

Take Bat-woman and her wish for a spine whip. That will be something to see.

Ah, right. Bat-woman. No wait. Thakish and his improvised skull codpiece.

Okay, so back to Bat-woman. I don’t know why she’s hanging around. Honestly. She’s got ammunition like… Ruby’s team, Shinigami’s closet, and Tiger’s stash combined, I’m sure she has more fire power. Hell if I know why she just doesn’t yank her sister and hunt down the mother on their own. Clearly the woman’s been through a war in the most intimate of ways and hair trigger is the nicest way of putting it. Swings like a monkey on a vine between dead sober and giddy sugar high. A lot like Lady’s reincarnated sister.

Lady. Your sibling is cracked. She knows it. Her lover knows it. We all know it. Smooth out your panties and don’t set me on fire. I’m just putting this down as I see it.

… I ain’t kiddin’. I got enough sparks going on. Put down the match or I’m telling Medic that you skipped dinner again.

Course, I’m writing this assuming that Lady will get her twitchy fingers on this at some point and that I’ll be alive to know about it. Aaahhh… yeah. Assuming. Well, positive shit and all. Moving on.

Dwarf. Jern. Fucking capable. For a guy who popped into the future, he’s taking things in stride pretty damned well. Hits like a caravan stocked with bricks. First magic user I’ve seen for a while too. Svorak, you gotta meet this man. You know how you always complain that mystics are always so frail? Or that clerics faint at the sight of blood instead of stemming it? This fellow will open up your belly while closing mine. All in one swing.

I don’t know whether Medic will have a field day or a hissy fit. I know he’s old school, arms in guts, honed to the bone, but Jern’s got style.

Gotta wonder if his trick will have any effect on Lady. Will the magic rebound if it’s unnecessary? Or if the wounds don’t take?

Put down the fire. I’m not seriously proposing any testing. I saw what you did to Medic.
(He still gimped in the left knee?)(It’s been years since I’ve seen him)

So day two or three, barely out of the yard, I meet new people, gain a new bladder for the poison stock (like I said, guy likes to share) and we’re off to a rolling start. In that I’m stuck as a fucking critter til dawn.

Oh. And Bat-woman’s mini-weasel has no qualms in stealing a bites. Heh. Itty-bit’s got balls.

Which then brings me to today. A few days after that glorious start.

Today… Oh, today.

We met more Brokkai. Well, one. Couldn’t really miss the guy as he’s standing around a tree on fire in the fog. Lit the entire area up like Ruby’s grin over her newest crossbow (kid needs a hobby). Funny enough, Clarence, had his own troubles. A tiny guy in black robes. And I do mean TINY.

Y’know how I said I had enough sparks? Yeah. The tiny-ass mini-magic caster has a hard-on for fire spells. I bet you half my stocks in belladonna that at some point, my tail will be singed. And it won’t be by accident.

Clarence and Thakish got along just fine, and not long after that we think we’ve run into more Brokkai.

Yeah no. Undead with extendable dagger fingers (ten feet?!) and intelligent. One of those fuckers talked. TALKED. And not in the “Brraaaaaiiinnns” category. Full on sardonic rhetorical quip. Undead grunts don’t have enough working grey matter to pull off rhetorical.

We took down half of them—less said about that the better. The other four booked it. I’m not sure if back from where they came from or just away. I want to track them, but the death-bringer fire-caster was out of juice and desperately needed to pass out for the night.

We may still go after them. With my luck as it is, can we afford to let undead of that caliber wander? Where were they going? Where did the others go to? Were they expected at their destination? Have we just painted targets on our backs (more so than already?)?

On another note, I think I’m getting… No. I’m not used to this form. It’s still… Fuck. It’s not right. For one, I’m sure the chemicals in my brain are a different soup mix altogether. Priorities are shot to hell. I mean. Bite? Undead? Who’d do that voluntarily? Me! That’s who. I know I’ve got the nastiest case of after-dinner breath because now and then I’d catch Thakish turn and cough. But the worse thing? I can’t tell. It tastes weird, yeah. But it doesn’t seem off like the way Lady’s cooking goes.

But… I’m finding my balance a little faster with each change. The colours and the sounds, the SCENTS, aren’t as disorienting as they were a few months back. I don’t need to hide under a rock and wait for my senses to calm down. I still want to, but now they aren’t as bad.

Still want this curse gone though. I’m lucky these people aren’t ditching me mid battle, but I wouldn’t blame them. I get the feeling that I shouldn’t want to use this form. Hybrid or critter. I’m sure it’s easy to use it, but it doesn’t feel good. No, it feels great.

I’m gonna stop there. Writing in hybrid form is a pain in the furry ass. Even if I’m using the huge chunky pencil stub, the bone structure is off and the muscle cramps are not fun. The eyes aren’t geared for paper by fire light either.

Gonna go stretch out. Maybe run a bit. Thakish was making noises about me being his hunting dog; I’m tempted to see what game we can scare up. There’s just so much energy in this form. I need to move. To go. To run.

Jern Staalbred: Journal - Pt 6.
In which we prove too scary for the undead

A few days pass, without anything of note happening. However, on the 3rd evening, we come across a bonfire in the distance. Encounter a couple sitting by it. Another of the tree legs, and a cloaked…. Someone. They don’t immediately kill us, so that’s a plus.

We make introductions and settle in by the fire. One of the tree-legs decides to start lopping down the burning tree. Aiming it directly at us. Don’t think any of the others picked up on that fact, including the one with the axe. Hustled everyone out of the way.

A little later on the night, a grouping of tall silhouettes appears in the fog. Big spiny-finger bastards who smell of rot and attack us out of nowhere.

Their fingers hurt. Especially inside me.

Hurt them back. Specifically around the leg bits, what with them being over 7 feet tall. If I wasn’t wearing my stone armor, people could probably see my sweet ass runic tattoos glowing as I activated my abilities, reinvigorating the tree-leg I met with earlier, and crushing joints left and right.

Amazingly, for undead fuckers, these things sure chickened out early, running away with their extending fingers between their legs.

They dead.

The group starts rummaging about and lopping off limbs for decorations. Strange folk.

Princess Floofy Pants finally made herself known to the group. Apparently she warmed up Much faster to this motley lot. Hopefully we get out of these woods soon, I haven’t seen a stone for 3 days under all the detritus, and I still have no idea why I’m even here. This can’t have been a simple accident, can it?

Jern Staalbred: Journal - Pt 5.
When the hells am I?

Some time has occurred. Tailing some people. Went to a house to check out some illicit happenings. A SCREAM. The halfling went charging in. Into the door. Which said no. Got a couple of people to come to the door and let us in though. For a certain value of “let us in”. Halfling charged in properly this time, and the two turned to go after him with their weapons. Went to fix that, and suddenly stuff went topsy turvy. Bright lights, and suddenly there’s a couple of people fighting some kind of lizard cat thing. And there’s fog. Inside the house? The confusion sets in.

One of the arseholes who let us in was trying to get up. Put him back down. The guy who was being attacked by the cat thing turns into a werewolf. I suppose technically was already a werewolf. Changes to wolf form? Something like that.

NOW I put him down.

Sound of an explosion, followed by the scent of death and brimstone. Something pops into the room and then drops a ball of shadow. More fighting continues inside it, but I can’t see that. I step back to prepare for anything that steps forth. Suddenly a huge human comes charging and screaming down the hill behind me.

The charger kills the rat.

Lots of discussion over who gets what parts. I think. No one speaks anything I know, but whatever it is they’re saying is at least similar enough to Shiekish that I can get by.

Found out that 46 years have passed since I followed Dennik through that door. The Shiek is gone. Lots of talk of Mage Cabals taking over the continent and splitting it up into Mage-run territories run by a single king.

It’s for some reason been determined that we’re going to go into the Mistwood. A forest no one returns from. Ever. Who needs good ideas anyways?

We found a campsite. More talk. 5 years ago, a fog crept over the land. Day/night is dull. A dragon may or may not be the cause of this.

Dennik, what’ve you gotten me into.

The most important person V?

We’re running through the fields, on my horse. It’s beautiful out. The halfling is on his dog.
Clouds roll in.
Thunder roars.
The halfling is gone! What’s going on?! Oh god spiders are all over me! My horse is a spider?!? What?! Oh god webs everywhere. It’s going dark!

I hear noise. What’s happening? The webs ripped open. It’s a vampire! He’s a bat with a human head?! What the shit!?!?!! Oh god I’m being bit.
I kill the spiders! Yes! They squeal and beg for mercy! I give none. I enslave them all. I am now king of all. I feel good.
They bring me baby’s. They’re tasty. Jeeves yells at me from his cage. He’s unhappy but alive. Yay.
Something’s wrong.

Jern Staalbred: Journal - Pt 4
Dances and Draconics

Lessons are over. Vereth was sent off to play merchant with Maximorgue’s leftovers. Reverse merchant? Either way. Scraps for cash. Guess I get to play nanny with the sleepy baby-nibbler. Spend some more time working on my Draconic. God this language is phallic.

After an hour or so, Vereth comes back, with presents. He got me a rock suit. Identical to the one I’ve been wearing for the last decade or so. Good taste that one. His ward less so. Bats. Twat.

He got Dannik a bird suit. By the stone I hope I never understand why.

The evening approaches, and after getting dressed in our whatnots, we sod off.

The Masquerade! We get inside. Shinies and explosions, cause Batmorgue wants to make an impression. Everyone looks disgusted with him. Mission successful.

I take my leave of the lot to make my rounds, greetings, general niceties.

While I’m gone, hookings up, and dances have. Much interesting, so wiggle. It’s a shame I’m not there to report on the going ons.

Head over to the confectionary table, as I figure some snacks will keep Princess Floofy Pants happy. I also opt to fashion her a little mask and dress from the wrappers. Apparently she’s keen on that.

What the hell is wrong with me.

As I made my way towards the bar, Elta came over and questioned the ecoutrements. I explained Princess Floofy Pants and the rest of the situation, and introduced Dannik when he came over.

Elta and I spend some time catching up, before I hear the distinct sound of flesh hitting idiot twice. Dennik and the Bat are holding their cheeks, looking confused. I head over.

Maxibro is there, introducing himself to Vivianne. Bellazar Ericson. Unsurprisingly, the bat is making a twat of himself.

His Mum called him by his FULL name. He is in TROOOOOOUUUUUUUUBLE. So is Dennik when he opens his mouth and espouses stupid. Ooh shit, I think Maggsie is scared. He just downed his wine. Like a real person would. Maximom expresses her disdain for the way her spawn are acting in the halls of the King and Queen.

The idiot attempts to attack Vereth, and has his attempt knocked out of the air by his mother.

She hires me on to watch over her idiot. For moneys.

As she’s about to wander off, Batmorgue proclaims his pride in his tattoo. This pleases No one, and she gets in his face about it.

After she leaves, Vereth continues to express disdain, and lashes out at Vivianne? Bugger’s a salty drunk.

I opt for the bathroom, in which I have been writing this. Why have I spent the last 10 minutes in here writing in a journal? Maybe Princess Floofy Pants is having a stronger effect on me then I imagined. She did mention something about my having the soul of a lost sister inside me..

No, she’s just a weapon with a penchant for spouting nonsense. Me writing in a journal and dressing up a warhammer is certainly situational.

It Has to be.

super hero part 2
Its a good day

How did i only make it that far in a drinking contest Like it i was only 5 rounds i can handle more then that, but i guess my hand eye was a little off and i decided to destroy the cup that i was holing…. Not only that i watched the god dwarf lose at drinking. honestly what the hell is going on this human comes and sits in front of us and out drinks the dwarf. Not only that i honestly think she broke her own cup after jern was out just to mess with him. not wise nooooooooot wise if you ask me.

uhhh now im here in a dark depressing room alone…. ha not really brekas in the other room vomiting. All of that aside i wonder whats going to happen after tonight i mean the tournaments over and the banquets about to be over aswell. Im hoping that we can all continue this adventure im getting really sick of this town and iv been wanting to explore to find a few things out my self. Heres to wishing and praying to a new begging


super hero part 1

So some things happend and i feel like i might need to keep track of stuff because of A, I almost died to spiders and B, well ill get to that. So it was a normal night of me and Breka going at it but i think she was trying to Breka me hehe… Anyhow I noticed the guys out side so I decided to join everyone. Everything seemed alright but i was getting A weird feeling from Maximan, not that its unnormal for me to feel that way around him but it was a little different this time.

So after a while of walking this guy dose this earth shattering super person knee landing at this point i think im going to die but thanks to god dwarf I felt pretty safe. After a while of blah blah enjoy what i have placed in your body talk this person just pisses off befor he could teach me how to do what he just did….. not alright in my books but what ever. O and did i say that maxipads a ever loving vampire no!. For a little bit their I just thought he wanted me with those lustful eyes of his but kind of glad it wasn’t that

After all that Bs happend for some reason everyone thought, hey it would be a good idea to turn him back even tho it was gonna be a waste of time….called it, But they tried and failed. Ofcorse after it didn’t work we tried to figure out the next problem of who is he gonna get blood from, i voted the (helper) but nooooo everyone looked at the half ling, so I came up with a better idea. Turns out i was able to recommend a scum bag named Bilum, he was never really catch him in the act but everyone knew he was killing young girls in town.

Jern and the helper decided to stay back while me and maximan went on in, it was for the best me and him can be alot more sneaky . Soon when we got to the window we noticed Bilums true colors so we swooped on in a removed his leg :D. Honestly I dont think we handled the situation their right but it felt good, we really should of took him in but whats in the past is in the past.

After all that we kind of just hung out for a little bit and it was alright but what really happend was the birth of a new story . One that will go back in the history books and thats the legend of the vampire, god dwarf, halfing and the help.

Npc mode journal

i taught, i cleaned, i plotted things and then i slept. no one died so this seems like a good day to me

Vereth Tre’Mar

Jern Staalbred: Journal - Pt 3.5
Remember to never do this again.

The Drinking contest occurs, but I don’t recall anything about it right now. That doesn’t happen often, so it must have gone well. Some other things happen. Things about Waampire making babies and horses cry. Definitely a good start to this whole “No guys, I’ll totes be a GOOD vampire” thing.

Morning came. Got woken up by Vereth slamming on the door. Did not appreciate that. Had to learn to appreciate it pretty quick, as it was time for Dragon talky. Lots of talky. Vrakginas and resdickstaraunts. Draconic is weird.

Talk of eating rats and not eating things that aren’t rats occur. Maximorgue wants us to expose ourselves to him to test his restraint. I’m not keen. Vereth isn’t keen. We’re doing it anyways?

Feed the hammer some candy cause this will NEVER GET OLD.

Just noticed that the next 2 pages of my journal were torn out. Searched for them in my backpack. Kind of wish I hadn’t..

The day of the drinking contest occurs. Spend the morning eating plenty of carbs. We all get sat lined up against each others. Dannik got sat down beside me. Sitting across from Talladam in his splash zone. Made sure my shield was within arm’s reach. Some lady in full plate sits down next to him. Imbibing commences.

Dannik lasts longer’n I expected.

Notice Maximom and Maxidad partaking of the competition, with another lad who looks like them. I point this out to Dannik, who uses his voice in another man to confirm that yeah, Maxibleah has a brother.

More drinks!

More people are fallling out. Light wieghts. Whatever their giving us is pretty tastey.


Hrak an ella ar out of rth compreptinn. HAHA, I”m stillllllllllllllllll fien.,

Magsimomm iss puddig hre familly to shme.

I’ma keep goon tho.

Tha matal ladie mussta bein porin hrs unner aa tabel

Maggsi issssssss dun.

Stillll 7 ohtr ppole ininn tha cobbibntentin.




O wlll.

CALALALEDD the alementress oat onn har ballshet.. SEH SED IAM A PIGGSIE.


The rest of it was completely unintelligible. Now I understand why I can’t remember any of that.

The Most Important Person IV

So a new thing I noticed is that I am incapable of sleeping in. That’s quite annoying, especially with Jeeves’ morning lessons leaving me exhausted afterwards. Oh well I suppose.
I decide to go for a stroll. Jeeves turned down my offer and the dwarf has plans already. I’m on my own it appears.
It appears to not be that way, Jeeves is following me. Apparently I’m untrustworthy. I decide to slip into an alley way and try I scale a building. Tonight is not my night. The rope slips but I catch myself on a window.
My word, she’s absolutely gorgeous. I’m flushed for a second before I compose myself. That’s when she decided to throw crap at me. I apologize to the lovely creature before I attempt sliding down the building.
Tonight is clearly not my night. I go through the window below. There’s an infant crying. I could feed, but Jeeves would literally have my head. Time to leave.
Tonight is not my night. I hit the far wall of the alley. Still adjusting to my strength.
Jeeves clearly saw all of it. We hurry away. I wonder if the lady will be at the ball tomorrow night, oh that’d be splendid. Anywho, back to the important events of the night.
I finally remembered to show Jeeves the items I looted from the bastards who tried to sell me. I have gauntlets that increase my strength. Apparently all of my strength isn’t just my transformation. That’s a tad upsetting but oh well. I also acquired horseshoes that can levitate my horse.
Crap. I have a horse. I should take him out, he must be terribly cooped up in there. I tell Jeeves that I’d like to take my horse out and he agrees. As I walk into the stables, the animals freak out. That’s upsetting, I enjoy animals. Oh good, mine is calm. This will make things easy.
I take him out. I plan for an hour, it is late and I’d rather not push him, but he seems ok so we end up riding for an extra half hour. I put him away and proceed to wander around town.
There are drunks staggering through the streets, but no one seeming to be deserving of death. Where’s the little one when I need him. Ugh. Jeeves would be pissed if I resorted to a homeless man right now. Looks like I’m testing out animals. Joy.
Tonight is not my night. I found a rat. My god it was fucking disgusting. I’d rather slit my own throat than do that again. Wait… I could slit my throat now. Hmmm, I wonder if I could pull out my own heart. Now these are the important questions. Where was I, oh yes. Rats are terrible. I need to learn to control myself around blood, that way homeless people wouldn’t have to die, I’d simply mix something together to knock them out, then bleed them an bandage them up. I’m stronger than them so it would have to be a recipe that barely puts them out so as to not effect me.
Perhaps Jeeves will help.
Morning class again. My god this is rough. But the dwarf appears worse so I’ve got that at least. I manage to tell Jeeves that we need chains before I sleep.
Ahhhh sleep.
Wait. The balls tonight. Bah, Jeeves knows what I’d like to wear, he’s always been there. He’s a good friend. ZzzzzzZzzzzzZzzzz


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